Tips for a successful breakup

Here's to being alone but not lonely

and

Treating friends like lovers and lovers like friends (I don't know who wrote this, but a friend articulated it to me the other night).

So, again, working through my break up I have decided to post some tips for a successful parting that keeps things more than civil and potentially amicable:

1.) The sooner the better. Don't drag the bandaid, rip it and have it remain ripped. This means sticking to what you say. While this is going to suck, it is the only way to breathe and get your message across, and eventually become friends (if you even want that). I would recommend at least starting to talk about the breakup prior to the actual parting-simply because if you love the person and have respect for them, it is wise to be fair and honest.

2.) In a similar vein, don't totally surprise the pants off of the person by breaking the news with no hints of feeling this way prior. See number one for reason why.

3.) Do it before there is a possibility of being someone else (that is more than a crush/make out). I say this because if you are unhappy and become tempted, the other person can be a good catalyst for a breakup, but in the end makes you look like a jerk to the other person and probably feel like a jerk to yourself because you know the "real" reasons why you broke up, but the other person has a nasty taste in their mouth from the cheat (or even potential cheat.)

4.) Do it in person, not via phone, e-mail, or text. If you can sleep with someone, you can break up with them face-to-face.

5.) Do not drop the "It's not you it's me" line because it doesn't work in the end. Instead, propose it as something that just isn't working out, that you are not ready for a committed relationship, or that it is circumstantial (meaning if circumstances were different, your relationship might also be different. Also, it always helps to reassure that person that they were really good to you (if they were), that you love (or have strong like) for them. The person will still feel inadequate, but being authentic and not dropping a cheesy one-liner is the respectful thing to do.

6.) In the end remember it is about you and not the other person. If you are unhappy and cannot get out of that slump, then you should definitely do this and save yourself the painful, explosion that will happen should you wait too long. I will say that this is an extremely hard realization, but in the end you have learned about yourself and what you want in your life.

7.) So it is not bad to do this to someone, it is bad to do this to someone you care about in the wrong way. It is important to be generous when doing this breaking up stuff so that you do not regret your words/actions/behaviors down the road.

8.) Even in the end, there are going to be hurt feelings and expect to get a letter like the link.