I found this poem

My friend from college sent me this poem a few years ago. I sought about looking for it today after realizing something about it was still lingering with me. I found it, a very easy search through my gmail does the trick pretty nicely, and have decided to post it because I a bored and have little to do right now.


you see me naked

-elyse bellamy


I told myself I would keep my distance from you
And as the noise filters in I try hard not to wake up
Our bodies making good use of this futon and an old blanket
Your indescribable hands
Tangled in my hair
The sun rises, somewhere
A smooth blue glow on the horizon
And it seeps through the window as we're falling asleep
You held an apple to my lips before I could admit that I was hungry
You left your lighter in my car before I could admit I loved you back
And it's for real now
Because I'm in some girl's living room
Bodies lining the floor from the coffee table to the door and you're
Touching my stomach and
Whispering in my ear
Situation fades to backdrop whenever you're here
Now my t-shirt is wrinkled
My eyes are red and
I left my best defenses between the sheets of that bed
I'm brushing my teeth at the sink of an unfamiliar bathroom or
Watching a stream of steam and soap spiral down the drain
My skin slippery with shampoo
Trying to pretend that I'm not waiting for you to slip in through
that door that doesn't really close and
Kiss me on the mouth while I'm standing there with
Nothing
To hide with
Nothing to hide behind
A thin layer of chapstick the only thing
Keeping me intact
I let the towel crumple at my feet and
Find my way back to where you're waiting
On the pillow
I promised myself I wouldn't write a poem about this-
Shredded paper, oil pastels, your photograph clenched in my fist
But whenever my lips graze your cheek and my fingers find themselves
tracing your jaw
The only words that ever seem to surface are those three that
I'm not supposed to I'm not supposed to I'm not supposed to be
Saying and
In the back seat
Crushing a raspberry on my tongue
You reach out and make everything taste like a shiver
Pulling me into your coat and dissolving all discomfort-
(Was I cold? Is it winter?
Come here and do your magic and it'll all come flooding back…)
In a cheap motel
Moonlight spills onto the blankets
And you're smiling at me in the darkness so I cover my face
Worried you'll stare too long and realize that I'm not what you
wanted in the first place
And I need you too much
I think I need you too much
Because I passed out listening to the songs that you gave me and
Woke up alone, curled up on my bedroom floor
Feeling homesick for your fingertips and the pockets of your jeans
Waiting for something to go so wrong that there just isn't any
solution
And I can't believe that I fought this fever for so long
Now in the parking lot,
On the sidewalk
At the bottom of the basement stairs I stand there
Wondering how long we have before someone tells me not to touch you
and
Daydreaming about the next time I can fall into your arms
I just hope you know that this is new to me
And let's not talk about worthy,
I'm still struggling to understand this flickering image of December
Let alone the fact that you seem to accept all my flaws with
Open eyes and this gentle perfection
Your palm slipping under my head just before it hits the carpet
Spilling your drink on the sleeve of my jacket
Healing me with just one look and a carefully held breath
The memory of singing for you on the other side of the room
Shaking so violently I could barely remember the words
And the way you came to me when I had finished
Raw and perfect and re-assuring in my insecurity
Turned me shy in front of your eyes
Suddenly aware that you have that kind of x-ray vision I've been
seeking
And it occurs to me that if I keep shedding my armor
I might get hurt
But at this point I'm going to risk it
And let my gaze drift to you
Because I'm sleepless and helpless and I don't know what else to do
Stumbling through midnight, somewhere in town
Holding onto each other for dear life as the rain comes down
The clock is three hours fast but
We get the idea
He beats out a rhythm from the radio on the steering wheel
Changes lanes and
Switches gears
Icy tear-drops of water slowly slide down the glass
Your seatbelt forgotten
Your head in my lap
And if I had known you would see me naked
I would've washed my hands one more time
Because it's getting so easy to feel beautiful whenever your soul
touches mine
I want to take a picture
I want to remember everything
Because tomorrow morning I'll be in a place where
Nobody understands
And your warmth hasn't left me
My thoughts are a messy collage
Of everything I'm trying so hard to keep from fading
That conversation, that dollar bill, that mistake, that massage
Swallowing sobs and this scream that threatens to escape and call
your name
The silence impacted by my passion and who-knows-how-long-it'll-be-
until-I-see-you-again
And I'm making promises
Because I want to hold it all inside
And I'm replaying all the amazing things that you said
Over the achingly insistent voice in my head
And concentrating on emotions I'm doing my best to subdue
I realize there is no distance powerful enough
To keep me
From you