Don't Know How to Act: Lesbians_EP Transplants

I must admit, this idea is not solely my own and may turn into mine and RMP's blog on Don't Know How to Act: (Insert group that doesn't know how to act here (again, this will most often be LESBIANS)). I am hoping this can then become a book option and you know turn into a miniseries on LOGO, or if we're lucky we can become the new "Lesbian" Housewives series.

Anywho, I am writing this blog first, because as anyone who reads anything I write knows, I am probably first and foremost, a loving person. I am a person who genuinely cares about others, who is empathetic, and compassionate. I do this because I have an ethic of love in my consciousness at all times. I hope to relate across and through differences, I teach my students, often through example, how to live a life of love, not because of some magic key I will receive to pass go and get into heaven free, but, simply because it is the way I think people should live.

I have to be in a constant reminder that not everyone lives this way. And least of all do they do it with any sort of critical intention. Meaning, that few people think about the power that surrounds all the relationships we are in based on things like race, class, gender, sex, sexuality, age, ethnicity, religion, ability etc. These things mark our bodies in specific ways that are simultaneously unique and communal. People who are part of the dominant groups in these categories (and I'll let you play the guessing game of what those are) tend not to notice, unless trained, how these power relationships function in all relationships.

I write about this because at many different times in my life I have been told I do not perform whiteness well for a variety of reasons. Number One that I will explore right now, I am not very good at the white female civility performance that characterizes so many of the interactions we take place in everyday. Now, I admit, I have learned to be better at the performance, much to my detriment, since starting my more professional life and having to negotiate graduate school in its multiplicity. I want to clarify this as well, this performance isn't fake, it is an authentic performance of myself that I often do to appease other people, "the system," or quite literally, "the man."

But, recently, I have had to bust out of this performance because there is some effed-up Lesbian Shit happening. And I have dealt with it and not just passive aggressively, because oh yes, I sorta went off last First Friday (There was a push and a "F*$! You" involved). Granted this was a month ago, but, I feel that I am going to do it again if I don't lay it out in this public forum so as to maybe create some sort of public embarrassment for these people, or at the very least, get this shit off my chest, in a more civil white female way. Although, civil, I'm not sure quite describes it. If this was an academic paper I would be failing at the moment, "TOO MUCH SET-UP! NOT ENOUGH ABOUT THE TOPIC ITSELF." So here goes. Don't Know How to Act: Lesbians_EP Transplants to the Denver Scene!


22-year-old twat face, yes, you remember her, the one my ex cheated on me with (whether emotionally or physically), she keeps effing showing up everywhere I am in Denver now. Granted they are public spaces and so anyone can attend, I feel that anyone with a spine, would at the very least attempt an acknowledgement of how awkward things are and maybe, Maybe, MAYBE Effing apologize for fucking up my life the first time?!? I know this may be hard for a 22 year-old-twat-face to conceive of, that she may have hurt a person of 27 she barely knows, but she did.

So, 22 year-old twat-face: You don't know how to act!! I realize that you and my ex are no longer together; please do not act like this is "No Big Thing," or that it was "Only two weeks." Do you realize how miserable you have made my life, first swooping in to steal my EP life, and now deciding to not only frequent every place I am in Denver, but to think somehow that my friends want to be friends with you and want you to hang out with them? Do you have a GPS Kathryn Tracker/ a desire to swoop in and take whatever my happiness is because it sure seems like it? Oh, I'm sorry, is this too narcissistic for you, maybe it isn't "About me," you are just trying to hang out and have a good time. BS! Grow a pair of ovaries, admit that you suck, admit anything, attempt some humility and then it will be nothing.

Bad Lesbian Friend from EP: You don't know how to act!! It is rude to not talk to someone for months when they are going through the worst breakup of their life and then, out of the blue decide once you are single you want to be friends again so as to use my friends/life as your social inlet to the Lesbian scene. That is just bad friend karma. And you know what is so funny to me, people have been talking shit about you for years and I always stood up for you trying to convince others you are not a bad friend. Ironic, huh? No, I do not respond to texts about "me and my crew" hanging out, why? Because it is just too transparent that you want to use me for my friends (and potential hookups) and no, I am not ok with that.

Bad Lesbian Ex from EP: You don't know how to act!! Do not tell me you have a crush on the former person I was dating. It's rude, and tacky. Sorta like you.

I need an effing flow chart to work through alla this drama. Until then, First Friday comes about but once a month and yes, I will be there, typical bells and whistles on from 9-11, just long enough to get my fix without staying for the portion of the night that turns into a crazy shit show.

All names/places have been abbreviated to maintain anonymity. Please take everything written as a worth a grain of sand and realize, I am just trying on these "Don't Know How to Act" pants for size.